Cat In The Hat Movie Script

FIND OUT THE CAT IN THE HAT MOVIE SCRIPT HERE...

[Narrator]There are gajillions of stories...
of mischief and fun,
but to keep things simple,
let's start with just one...
about a mom and two kids...
and a house and a hat...
that, oddly enough,
was worn by a cat.
But soon enoughwe will get to all that.
In the valley that stretchesfrom this hill to that hill,
a city is nestled...
that city is Anville.
- [Kid] Hurry up!We'll miss the movie!- Any more tutti-frutti?
I'll check.Thanks!
[NarratorContinues]It's a town that's not huge,but quite big enough...
for buyers and sellersto sell and buy stuff,
from shoes and shirts...
and elongated ladders...
to sailboats and gibble-gratedberry-juice bladders.
[Horn Honks]
So ourstory beginsat the cornerofMain and Montroob...
in the spotlessreal estate offiice...
run by Hank Humberfloob.
[Woman]Humberfloob Real Estate. How canwe make yourdreams come true?
[People Chattering]
What do you mean,you're leaving?
You're a babysitter.Babysitters don't leave. They sit.
Baby-leavers leave.I'm sorry. I reallygotta go, Miss Walden.
Well, I need to come homeright away.
All right.Thank you, Amy.Sorry.
[Sighs]
Attention, everyone!It's 9:02.
Staff meeting!Staff meeting!
[All Gasping, Murmuring]Look alive, everyone.!
First I'd like towelcome aboard...
our newest memberof the Humberfloob family,
Jim McFlinnagan!
- Mr. Humberfloob,I wanted to thank you...- [All Gasping]
Fired.I beg your pardon?
Fired.B-But l...
Fired!
One, two, three,four, fiive, six, seven,eight, nine, 10!
As you know, tonight isour bimonthly"meet and greet" party.
Tonight's host is...Joan Walden.
This is where people canmeet our real estate agents...
in an informal,yet hygienic setting.
Mr. Humberfloob,I have to get home to my kids.
Ah, yes.
Your children.
Joan, let me make thisperfectly clear.
If your houseis as messy as last time,
you're fiired!
[Employees Gasping,Murmuring]
That's pretty clear,Mr. Humberfloob.
Don't worry. I promise.
My kids'll beon their best behavior.
Great.
[Phone Rings][Woman]Humberfloob Real Estate.
How can we makeyourdreams come true?Please hold.
[Narrator]Lfyou leave Humberfloob'sand turn left onto Main,
three miles downyou'll fiind Lipplapper Lane,
a pleasant-enough streetin a pleasant-enough way...
where a neighbor greeted neighborwith a neighborly"Hey.!"
Hey!Hey!
Here the hedges were hedged,the weeds were all weeded,
and lawns were mowed daily,
twice daily ifneeded.
And at the endofthis street,
in a house like any other,
something magicalwould happen...
to a sisterand her brother.
[Barking]
[Barks]Shh! Nevins!Stealth mode.
Today's to-do list.
Number one:Make to-do list.
Number two:Practice coloring.
Number three:Research graduate schools.
Number four:Be spontaneous.
Number fiive:Create lastingchildhood memories.
And numbersix:Amend will.
What is he doing?
[Sighs]
[Whines]
[Beeps]
Number 10:Make tomorrow's to-do list.
Ladies and gentlemen![Nevins Barking]
Nevins,your attention, please.
You are about to witnessthe third most spectacular stunt...
ever performedunder this roof!
Do you know how hard it's gettingto tell people that we're related?
Relax.I'll put everything back.
[Whining]
And now,for the indoor stair luge!
Indoor stair luge?
I'll have to add this oneto my list.
Go have no funsomewhere else.
It... is... showtime.!
- [Whimpers]- [Grunts]
Whoa.!
[Yelling]
- Aah!- Yeah!
[Groans]
- [Woman] Oh, my word.!- [Nevins Barking]
Nevins!
Nevins, come back.!
Hey, Mom. What's up?
You are so luckyyou didn't ruin this dress.
Mom, I knowyou're angry,
but there's somethingyou need to know.
This was all Sally's fault.Oh, really?
And how, exactly,was it Sally's fault?
Give me a minute.I'm workin' on it.
Save it, Conrad.
Why today? Why did youhave to pick todayto destroy the house?
You knowwhat's happening today.
I tried to tell him, Mom.
"Mom's throwinga very important party," I said.
"All ofher importantclients will be here."
But he went right aheadand wrecked the houseand let Nevins get away.
Now, again, I hopeyou're going to ground him.
Yes, Sally, for a week, butthat's none of your business.
Aweek?Come on. Two days.
I asked you to doone thing today, Conrad...
keep the houseclean.
Do you know how frustrating it isthat you're always doingthe exact opposite of what I say?
Knock, knock, knock.
[Growling]Someone lose a dog?
I found him next door...
in my yard... again.
You are a saint.
And here I thoughtyou were only dating mefor my good looks.
Lucky us.Larry Quinn is here.
Hey-a, sport.Call me Lawrence.Okay?
You rescued Nevins!Thanks, Lawrence!
It was my pleasure, Sally.Anything for my little princess.
Oh, I don't wanna be a princess.
In a constitutional monarchyparliament has all the real power.
I see.Okay, that's great.
Uh, look, pal, be a sport.
Why don't you gotidy up the living room.Okay...dude?
I don't have to listen to you, Larry.
Conrad,do what Lawrence says.
Have you given some thoughtabout the Wilhelm Academy?
You mean the Colonel WilhelmMilitary Academy forTroubled Youth?
That's the one, Joan.
I'm not sureit's right for Conrad.
Oh, Joan, Joan.
Joan, Joan, Joan.
I have so much respectforyou, Joan.
Single mother, careerwoman,raising two children on your own,
and still fiinding timeto be the best darnedreal estate agent in town.
I know how hard it is, Joan.
It is hard.Oh... I know.
And I knowhow hard you're trying.
This is a once-in-a-lifetimeproposition,and you must act now.
The Colonel WilhelmMilitary AcademyforTroubled Youth...
is what we call in the sales gamea win-win scenario.
A top-flight military school,and it's only... eight hours away.
[Phone Rings]Oh, the phone.
[Phone Rings]
I heard what you said.
I'm not going to military school, Larry.
Look, buddy,
I know I'm not your dad...
and this is probablyreally strange foryou...
your neighbor'sdating your mom.
But here's the thing, son.Come here.
I don't like you either.
But I'm gonnamarry your mom.
And if it was up to me,you'd be at military school today.
I'm not goingto military school.Ohh!
I think you're gonna love it.
It's just like summer camp,
except with brutal forced marches...
and soul-crushing discipline.
And one more thing...It's Lawrence,you snot-nosed son of a...
wonderful womanwho I'm absolutely crazy about![Grunting] Oww!
Gosh, I love children!
Oh, Joan,I didn't see you there.
Would you be a dolland help me bring up chairsfrom the basement?
Nothing would give memore pleasure, Joan,but I do have to run.
I have a very importantsales conference downtown.
Oh. Okay.
- Well, I'll see you at the party tonight.- Sure.
Mom, that guy's a total phony.You can't let Larry...
It's Lawrence, Conrad.[Doorbell Rings]
Kate's Catering.I'm here to do your party tonight.
Oh, hi.Where's Kate?
I'm Kate.Oh. Okay.
Right this way, Kate.
Mom, you've gottalisten to me...[Phone Ringing]
Quiet!Two weeks agoyou said you would...
[Joan Screams]I "specialed" it.See?
Quiet!Nevins!
[Ringing Continues]I said quiet!
[Ringing]
Joan Walden Real Estate.Be it ever so humble,there's no place likeJoan.
This is Mr. Humberfloob.
- Oh, hi, Mr. Humberfloob.- Joan, I need you to come back to the offiice.
- Today?- Yes, Joan.
- No problem?- No problem at all.
Great!
- [Gasps]- What's going on, Mommy?
Mommy has to goback to the offiice.
Oh! I hope Mrs. Kwancan babysit.
- Not Mrs. Kwan!- [Doorbell Rings]
Oh!Hi, Mrs. Kwan.
Hi.I'm running late.
Thanks for babysittingon such short notice.Mmm, yeah.
Okay, Mrs. Kwan.
Oh-oh-oh!
I'll be backin a couple ofhours.Hi.
Conrad's grounded,so no video games.
Sally?Last chance.
If you wanna make cupcakes,I can take you toyour friend Ginny's house.
- [Growling]- Ginny's not my friend anymore.
Last time we made cupcakesshe wanted to be the head chef.
I'm the head chef.
What about Denise, then?
She talked back to me,so I ordered hernot to speak to me anymore.
- And you don't like bossy?- I won't tolerate it.
Right.
Well, if you're both staying,remember the rules.
Conrad: No playing ballin the house, no fiighting,
no answering the phone,"City morgue."
Mommy,can't I have some rules?
No chewing tobacco.
Thanks, Mom.You have my word.
And absolutely no onesets foot in the living room, or else.
Orelse what?You're gonna do what Larry saidand send me to military school?
Maybe if you'd just behave,I wouldn't have to consider military school.
I wish I could trust you.
I wish I had a different mom.
Well, sometimesI wish the same thing.
[DoorOpens]
[DoorSlams]
Mmm.
Good luck with your meeting.
[Car DoorCloses]
[Grunting]
Children, would you liketo watch television with me?
- We don't have to tell your mother.- [TV: Channel Changing]
- [Speaking Chinese]- [Yelling]
[Together]Taiwanese parliament.[TV: Yelling, Blows Landing]
You tell them, Kwi-Chang!No more big government![TV: Karate Yells]
Rip his heart out.!
[TV: Blows Landing,Yelling Continue]
[Snoring]
[Whimpers]
Hit me![Sighs]
[Narrator]So they slumped in theirchairs,
too glum to complain,
and to make matters worse,it started to rain.
[Butterfly Yelps]
They sat in the house...
on that cold, cold, wet day...
with no fun to have...
and no games to play.
They couldjuststare out the window...
or perhaps get a nap in,
and hope that something,
anything might happen.
Quit botheringthe fiish.
I know.Quit bothering the fiish.
Spit hand!Oh, gross!
Get that away from me!Get it away!
[Loud Bump][Narrator]Then something went bump.
- What was that?- [Barks]
How that bumpmade themjump.[Nevins Continues Barking]
[Loud Bumping Continues]I think it camefrom the closet.
[Loud Crash]
[Grunts]
Conrad?
Conrad.
Come on, Conrad.
[Screams]
[Laughing]
You shouldn't scare people.
You should've seenthe look on your face.It was like you saw a monster...
A monster? Where?
That could've gone better.[Wheezing Laugh]
[Both Screaming]
[Sally]What was that?[Conrad] I don't know.
Looked likea humongous cat.
"Humongous"?
I prefer the term "big-boned" or"jolly."Now, what are we hiding from?
[Chortling]
[Both Screaming]
Thatwas a giant cat.
But that's impossible,isn't it?
It's entirelyimpossible.
You know,I like this hiding placea lot better.
They'll neverfiind us here.
Scream and run.
[Both Screaming]And there they go.
Who are you?
Who? Me?
Why, I'm the Cat in the Hat.There's no doubt about that.
I'm a "super-fun-diferous" feline...
who's here to make surethat you're...
Meeline? Key lime?
Turpentine?
I got nothin'.
I'm not so good with the rhyming.Not really, no.
Look, I'm a catthat can talk.
That should be enoughforyou people![Muttering]
I can talk.!I'm a cat.! Yes.![Chortling]
Where did you come from?
Hmm, how do I put this?
When a mommy cat and a daddy catlove each othervery much,
they decide that...
Oh, no, no, no, no.Where did you come from?
My place!Where do you think?[Snickering]
No, how did you get here?
I drove!
Look, I've been here two whole minutes,and no one has offered me a drink.
Harumph!
- Sorry, Mr. Cat.Would you like some milk?- Milk? Ecch! No!
Lactose intolerant.Gums up the works. Oy.
You'll thank me later.
[Wheezing, Chortling]
- [Singer Laughing]Wipeout.!- Hello!
@¤@¤[SurfRock]Surf s up![Chuckles] Yeah!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!Yee-hee-hee!
Nice spread you got here.
Homina-homina-homina-homina!
Who is this?
Ohh!
That's my mom.
Awkward, yeah.
Yes, this place will doquite nicely, actually. Yeah.
Although those drapesare a train wreck.
[Chortling]
[Snoring]And this is the lumpiest couchI ever sat on.
Who is this dreadfullyuncomfortable woman?
Get offher.That's our babysitter.
What the... Babysitter?
You don't need one of those,do ya?
Let me get this straight.
You pay this woman...
to sit on babies?
That's disgusting!
I'd do it for nothing![Laughing Loudly]
Hmm!
Now, let's seewhat the old "phunometer"has to say.
- "Phunometer"?- Yeah. It measureshow fun you are.
[Chortling]
Hi.
[Bell Dings]Huh?
Ohh.
Ah. Control freak.Yeah.
Now you.
[Whispers]Hi. How are ya?
- [Bell Dings]- Whoa!
[Whimpering]
Oh.
Tap it.
Listen, kid,you can tap it with a hammer,
it ain't gonna change.
Just as I suspected.
You guys are both out of whack.You're a control freak,and you're a rule-breaker.
That'll be $700.Who's your insurance carrier?
- So, what do we do?- Well, there are two treatmentsI'd recommend.
One is a series of painful shotsinjected into your abdomen and kneecap.
And the other...
involves a musical number!
@¤@¤[Orchestra:Fanfare]@ Me-Me-Me-Meow @
How many shots?
[Wheezing]"How many shots?"Aren't you precious?
[Gasps]
Maestro!@¤@¤[Orchestra:Introduction]
@ I know it is wet @
@ And the sun is not sunny @[Thunderclap]
@ But we can have lots ofgood fun that is funny @
[Both Groan]
@ It's fun to have fun @
@ But you got to know how @
[Gagging]
- [Vomits, Liquid Splatters]- [Both Gasp, Groan]
Hair ball.
@ I know lots of good tricksand I'll... @
Stop this right now.!Huh?
- Who said that?- Me!
Remember? The fiish?
Came home in a Baggie,loved me for two weeks, and then nothing!
- The fiish is talking!- Well, sure, he can talk.
But is he saying anything?No, not really. No.
[Fish]Hey, Socks, can it.!
This cat should not be here.He should not be about.
He should not be herewhen your mother is out.
Come on, kids!You gonna listen to him?He drinks where he pees!
@¤@¤[Salsa]
@There was this cat I knewback home where I was bred @
@ He never listened toa single thing his mother said @
@¤He never used the litter boxHe made a mess in the hall @¤
@That's why they sent himto a vet @
@To cut offboth his ba... @
ba... ba...
@ Boy, that wasn'tfun, fun, fun @
@ He never learnsYou can have fun, fun, fun @But less is more!
@They may ship you off to schoolso rein it in a little @
@ We can't spell "fun"without "U" in the middle @
Human, this cat is currently in violationof... 17 ofyour mother's rules.!
[Rings]City morgue!
- Eighteen!- [Laughing]
[Crowd Cheering,Applauding]
- Olé!- [Bull Growling]
Ooh!
[Screaming]
@ You can juggle work and playbut you have to know the way @
@ You can keep afloat a wishlike the way I do this fiish @
@¤ You can be a happy fellaSomeone throw me that umbrella @¤
@ And that rake, that cakeLife's what you make it @
@ So have fun, fun, fun @
@ Go insane and havesome fun, fun, fun @
@Just look at meFun, fun, fun @
@ No more rainLook, it's the sun, sun, sun @
@ So can't you seeI'm as happy as a clamI'm as fiit as a fiiddle @
@ Yeah, the dogsmay bark about you @
@ And the purebred chapsmay doubt you @
[Fish]Getting motion sickness.!
Milk? Big mistake.
@ But remember thisYou can't have fun without "U" @
I can't breathe!Ohh!
Whoa!
I knew that milk wouldcome back to haunt me.Help! Help!
- [Loud Burp]- [Groaning]
[Yelling]
[Grunting]
@"U" in the middle @@
[Gulps]
[Panting, Chuckling]
- Bravo, Cat.- Huh?
These children are smart enoughnot to fall foryour MTV-style flash...
at the expense of contentand moral values.
That was wicked cool!Do it again!
I'd love to, but Shamu is right...I really should be going.
- No, don't go!- No, I should go.
I should let you and the fiishhave all your fun conjugating verbs,
cleaning your room,doing long division.
No, you have to stay!
All right, I'll stay.Oh, yeah![Conrad] Yeah.!
But if I'm gonna stay,there's something I wanna show you.
Something magical...
and full of wonder.
- It's called a contract.- You want us to sign this?
- Just a formality, really. Yeah.- Who are they?
Magical time-traveling elves.
[Chortling]Yeah. Magic.
Okay, they're my lawyers.
Liability issues, litigious society,frivolous lawsuits.
You understand.
Basically, this contract guaranteesyou can have all the fun you want...
and nothing bad'sever gonna happen.
- All the fun we want?- Uh-yeah!
- Nothing bad will happen?- Uh-no!
Come on, Sal,for once in your lifetry something spontaneous.
It goes againstmy better instincts, but...
fiine.
Beautiful.Initial here.
And here. And here.
Not here!
[Wheezes]
Turn it over.
This is nothing.
[Clears Throat]Scratch this.
Smell that!Terrifiic.
Yadee-yadee-yadee.
Sign the bottom.[Pencil Scratching On Paper]
You're it!Okay, gimme fiive!
Four.
[Chortling]
Let's get this partystarted! Uh-huh!
Hey, check out this room![Laughing]
What now?
Mom says we're notallowed in the living roomtoday, or else.
She's worried we'll mess up the couchesbyjumpin'on 'em orsomethin;
And she's right.You can't jump on these.
Not like this.They need some adjustment.Yee-haw!
[Chuckling]
Let's take a lookunder the hood.
[Spits] Yeah.[Chuckles]
Just doin' my job.[Fart]
Sorry.What have we got here?
Whew.
Here we go.[Chortles]
It's oversized.That's unusual.
Here it is.[Grunts]
[Elephant Trumpets]
Down, Simba!Down, Simba!Get outta here!
Spray me, would ya?You...
[Whimpering][Trumpeting Continues]
[Choking]
[Blows Landing][Elephant Whimpering]
[Panting]
- [Elephant Trumpets]- Thanks for the help.
Back in a second.Who's your couch mechanic?
You oughta callMr. Catwrench.
[Grinding, Rumbling]Oww! My fur!My fur! My fur!
[Groaning, Shouting]
That oughta do it.Whoo!
[Chortling]
[Laughing]
Come on, kids.I could use a little company.
What about Mom's party?
What about it?We signed the contract.
Wha-hoo![Laughing] Yeah!
One cushion left,Sally.
She'll never do it.She doesn't knowhow to have fun.
Fun? Sally,you're betterthan fun.Fun is beneath you.
Rememberwhat your mother told you...
No one sets footin the living room...[Conrad Shouting]
You know what?Let's just watch some flashbacks.
[Voice Slowed Down]Absolutely no one sets footin the living room, or else.
You're fiired... fiired... fiired...
fiired... fiired... fiired...
[Takes Deep Breath]Fiired... fiired... fiired... fiired...
And that's why...[Groans]
Oww!
This is wherethey buried my brother.!
[Cat Laughing][Conrad]Yeah.!
[All Laughing]Yippee!Oh, yeah!
This is amazing!Like beingin the circus!
Yeah, but withoutthose tortured animals...
or drunken clownsthat have hepatitis.
See, kids, I told youwe could have fun!
[Laughing Continues][Conrad] The best thing is,no one will ever...
know.
Judas Priest!I can't believe what I'm seeing!
Oh, Mr. Quinn,I was just telling Conradto get off the couch.
Bad, Conrad!Bad!
Sally,
baby, angel, princess,
I'm gonna let you inon a little secret, okay?
Nobody likes a suck-up!
[Quinn Laughing]
Where's the cat?I don't know.
[Burps]Ohh!
Good bread.
What are you twolookin' at?
[Sneezing]
Is there a cat in here?
[Sneezing Continues]
I'm gonna...You're gonna...
I have to...[Sneezes]
[Sneezes]Get out ofhere.
[Sneezes Twice]
[Both Laughing]
See, kids, I told you.Stick with me, it'll all work out.
[Sneezes]Oh, no! Ohh![Chortling]
Little-known fact...cats always land on their tushy.
- I thought they alwayslanded on their feet.- Oh, sure, now you tell me.
Harumph![Chortling]
- So, kiddo, what do youwant to do for fun?- I wanna make cupcakes!
Cupcakes? Oh, yeah![Chortling]To the kitchen!
[Announcer]Live from the kitchen,
the following isa paid commercial announcementforAstounding Products.
Hi! Welcome toAstounding Products.
[Laughing]
I'm your host,the guy in the sweaterwho asksall the obvious questions.
[Studio AudienceLaughing]
Now, here to tell usabout his astounding productfor making cupcakes,
all the wayfrom Cheshire, England,please welcome...
Me! Hello![Chuckling]
Now... Hello!I'm so excited!
Do you lovemaking cupcakes,
but hate allthe hard cupcake work?
I know I do!
Well, forgeteverything you knowabout making cupcakes...
and say hello...
to the amazing Kupkake-inator.
- I'm so excited!- [Audience Chuckling]
Cupcake-a-what?
[Cat, Audience]Kupkake-inator!
Oh, this amazing devicecan instantly make cupcakes...
out of anything thatyou have in the kitchen.
- Wait a minute.Did you say"anything"?- Anything.
Anything?Yes, anything.
Anything?Anything.
- Anything?- I'll get you, and it'll looklike a bloody accident.
- [Audience Tittering]- Anything.
Now, take off the lid.You can put in, I don't know,a carton of eggs.
What?How abouta pack ofhot dogs?
That's incredible!Why not some ketchup?
Yeah, why not?How about...I know what you're thinkin'.
Even a fiire extinguisher.There we go.
Hmm?
Now, close the lidand Bob's your flippin' uncle!
What anastounding product!
[Audience Applauding]Oh, yeah!
Open the drawer,[Bell Dings,Motor Whirring]
Fiill the patentedKupkake-inator tray,[Audience Gasping]
- Close the drawer,- [Audience Continues Gasping]
Then place itin a conventional oven.
[Audience Laughing,Applauding]
Delicious cupcakesare just minutes away.
Did you just say"minutes away"?
[Host, Audience]That's impossible!
You're not just wrong,you're stupid.Now, wait just a minute...
And you're ugly,just like your mum.
[Audience Gasping]Did you just callmy mother ugly?
Shut up! I mean it!I will end you!
- [Grunts]- [Audience, Cat Gasping, Groaning]
Um, Cat.Your tail.
What about it?
Oh, I see! I've chopped it off.That's interesting, because...
Son of a bi...[Beep]
@¤@¤[Whistling"The Girl From Ipanema"]
Look, I'm not sayingwe're going to sue.
I'm just sayingwe have a case.
We'll talk later.Lxnay, ixnay.
[Wheezes]Hi.
Cat, is the ovensupposed to bemaking that sound?
Huh?
Of course. That meansthey're almost done, Conrack.
- Conrad.- That's what I said, Condor.
- Cat!- Now, that's my name!
[Oven Whirring, Rumbling]
[Timer Bell Dings]Yep!
They're done!
Oh, man!There's nothingto worry about.
I'm surethey still taste fiine.
Yecch!They're horrible!
Who wants some?Come on, come on![Chortling]
Oh... my... cod.
Ohh! Aah!
Cat, you need toclean this mess up pronto.
We have a contract.All right, I'll try.
You don't try. You do.
Yes, ma'am.Right away, ma'am.
[Coughs]I'll be right back.
Whoa![Crash]
[Chortling]
[Snoring]Hi.How are ya?
Okay.[Chortling]
Look. I'm a girl.
[Giggling, Purring]
Stop! That's...
[Together]Mom's dress!
[Gasps]This fiilthy thing?
She was gonna wear that tonight,and you ruined it.
Honey, it was ruinedwhen she bought it.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.Mm-hmm.
I told youall this would happen.!
- But no one listens to a fiish!- Oy.
A dog goes "woof-woof"and everybody knows thatlittle Timmy's trapped undera log.
But a fiish speaksin plain English...
All right, everyone,let's just take a deep breathand calm down.
[Inhaling, Exhaling]
You know who's gonna solve it?Me. I am.
I will personallytake care of everything.
And I knowjust the guys to do it.
[Wheezing]
[Chortling]
In this box are two Things.I will show them to you.
Two Things, and I call themThing One and Thing Two.
These Things will not bite you.They want to have fun.
So without further ado,
meet Thing Twoand Thing One!
[Whooping, Babbling]
@Ta-da @
Oh, yeah![Chortles]
Thing One, Conrad, Sally.Conrad, Sally, Thing One.
Thing Two, Conrad, Sally.Conrad, Sally, Thing Two.
Thing One, Thing Two.Thing Two, Thing One.Conrad, Sally. Sally, Conrad.
I am the Cat.Don't belittle me.
Ah, yes, of course.
Thing Two would like toclarify that just becausehe wears the number two...
does not imply in any waythat he's inferior to Thing One.
And all of the above.
He says you may feel freeto call him Thing "A," if you like.
He will also accept SuperThing,Thing King, Kid Dynamite,
Chocolate Thun-Da...or Ben.[Chuckles] Ben!
[Thing OneJabbering]
Thing One sayshe's Thing One for a reason,
and some peopleshould just get used to it.
It's a Thing thing.You wouldn't understand.
[ThingsJabbering,Arguing]Okay, enough!
You are quickly turning intoone of my least favorite Things.
Listen, Convex,you probably don'twanna do that.
Why not?It's just a crate.
This isn't just any old crate.
It's the Trans-dimensionalTransportolator.
It's kinda like a doorwaywhich leads from this worldto my world.
But it says,"Made in the Philippines."
Yes, but not this Philippines.
Look, now,I'm not usually a rules guy,but this is a biggie.
No opening the crate.
No lookee, no touchee.Got it?
[Thing]Mekka-dekka we shouldsettle ourdifferences.
[Jabbering]
[Cat]Things, front and center.!
Cool.
All right, Things,I'm not paying you tostand around and look pretty.
Here's Mom's dress.
[Thing Cackling]Oh.! Mommy's dress.!
[BothJabbering, Giggling]
- [Gasp]- [Gasp]
- What about the couch?- Which couch?
The clean one,orthe horribly stained one?
- [Wheezing]- [Jabbering Continues]
Ho![Chortling]
Mekka-dekkadon't worry!
Incoming!
Cat, they're wreckingthe whole house.!
[Snoring]
[Groans,Continues Snoring]
[Jabbering, Giggling Continue]
- Conrad, help!- Help yourself!
Look at me!Come and get it!
[ContinuesJabbering]
[Grunts]Whoa! Ooh, yeah! Whoa!
[Giggles]That tickles!
[Jabbering]Geronimo!
[Jabbering, Grunting]
[Crab Lock]Mine, mine, mine!Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
Ride 'em, cowboy!Yee-hee-hee! Ho-ho-ho! Whee!
[Snoring]
[Continues Snoring]
If this were my house,I'd be furious.
[Laughing]
Hey! Klondike!
Do you have any ideawhat happened to the lockon this crate?
- It's on Nevins's collar.- Nevins?
[Sally]Nevins? Nevins.!
Put the dog down!I said, put the dog down!
Why won't theylisten to me?
Oh. I don't know if this helps,but the Things always dothe opposite of what you say.
Why do they alwaysdo the opposite?That's so annoying!
Remind you of anyone,Conrad?
Zinga![Things Cackling]
Zinga! Zinga!
Blue! 41! Set!Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Hey, Thing,don't let go of that dog!
Let go!
[Conrad] Catch him...I mean, don't catch him.![Screams]
[Crab Lock Chuckles][Barks]
Well, this is just great, Conrad.
The whole house is destroyed,the party is ruined,and now Nevins is gone.
Sally, Kojak,
that's nothing comparedto what's gonna happenif we don't lock this crate.
Take a look.It's already leaking.
[Grunting]
- It won't stay shut.- Not without the lock.
Look, if we don't get that lock off of Nevinsand put it back on this crate,
we're gonna be staring downthe business endof the mother of all messes.
[Grunting]We've gotta go outand fiind Nevins.
[Grunts]Impossible! Sally!
There's only four hourstill the party.
The Fish is right.We should call Momand tell herwhat happened.
Look at this house!There's no way we couldexplain this to Mom.
We gotta get Nevins backand lock the crate!
We're staying and calling Mom.
We're going and getting the dog.
[Sinister Voice]There is a third option.
@¤@¤[Organ:Dramatic]There is?
Yes. It involves...
murder!@@ [Dramatic Chords]
- That's your option?- No.
But you guys both had options.I just wanted to have one too.
[Chuckling]Or did I?
- Cat, you're not helping!- Come on. Let's go get that dog.
Now, wejust needa heavy, inanimate objectto weigh down this crate.
[Kids Grunting]
[Grumbling]
There. That oughtabuy us some time.
Come on, kids!Let's go, go, go![Wheezing Laugh]
[Grunting, Sighing]
[Man On TV]Identical sister Mitzy...
[Sighs][Man #2 On TV]That's right.
[Grunts]
- [Knocking]- Yeah!
What do you want now?
Repo.
You're repossessing my TV?
I'm sure I made a payment.
If it's about that bounced check,let me give you a credit card.
That one's expired.Huh? Oh, come on!
[Woman On TVGrunting]
[Narrator]With the lock on his collar,Nevins kept running,
unaware ofhis part...
in the evil Quinn's cunning.[Ringing]
Joan Walden Real Estate.Be it ever so humble, there's no...
Oh, hi, Joan.
The kids let the dogout again.You're kidding.
Don't worry. I'll go get him,then we'll have a conversationvis-a-vis military school.
I don't know.Conrad's like you, Lawrence.
He's very... sensitive.Uh-huh.
[Sighs]But I suppose it's somethingI should consider.
I'll get the dog.I'll be right over.[Dial Tone Hums]
[Sighs]
[Groaning]
- [Barking]- [Conrad]Okay, there's Nevins.
Stay out of sight.[Barks, Growls]
@¤@¤[Violin Strings Plucking]
@@ [Plucking Continues]
I thought the momentneeded something.
Oh, what will become of us?
Your motherwill lose her job,
and we'll have to...live on the street!
[Sobbing]I can't! Don't make me go...
[Groans]I don't know this world.!
It's dry! It's like...I can't... It's too...Fish!
It's too much!
Would you like to go backin the toilet?
On second thought,it's such a beautiful day.Why spend it indoors?
- Thank you!- [Gasps]
Okay, kids.Get out of my way.
This fence is no matchfor my cat-like grace and reflexes.Here we go.
[Neck Muscles,Knuckles Cracking][Exhales]
Ow. Okay.Watch me fly, kids.[Wheezing Laugh]
[Loud Crash][Grunting]
Ow!
I don't thinkthe little girl's even trying.
What about yourcat-like... reflexes?
What about showing a little effort,shrimp boat? Now, push!
Whaa!
All right, Nevins.
Time to die.
- [Whimpering]- Cat, you scared him away!
Dirty hoe.
I'm sorry, baby.I love you. Hmm.
[Conrad]Come on, Cat.!
[Yipping]There he is!
[Children Shouting]
[Man]Happy birthday, Denise.
[Sally]Denise?
Everyone I knowis there.
There's Ginny and Alan.
How come Denise didn'tinvite me to her birthday?
Don't worry. Let'sjustget Nevins and go.
- [Woman] Okay, kids.Everyone outside.!- [Kids Screaming]
[Yelling]
Aaah!
Nevins.Cat, get down!They're gonna see you!
Hide.!
[Excited Shouting]
[Chanting]Piñata! Piñata! Piñata!
Piñata! Piñata!
Piñata.! Piñata.![Nervous Grumbling]
- [Groans]- Everybody join in!
[Girl]It's breaking!
Step out of my way.
This cannot end well.
- Piñata! Piñata!- [Howling]
@¤I'm easy @¤
@¤Ah, ah, ah, ah @¤[Whinnying]
@¤I'm easylike Sunday morning @¤@¤
- [Howling]- [Both Groaning]
[Howling Continues]
Oh-ho-ho! Whoo!
- Oh.! Whoo-hoo.!- I got an idea.
[Conrad]Candy.!
Candy!
[Growls]
[Both]No!
Get back!Cat!
[Cat Grunts]I'll get you!
[Sighs][Phone Rings]
[Gasping]I'd love to buy some.
Hello, Mrs. Kwan.It'sJoan Walden.
I just calledto check on the kids.Are they okay?
[Chuckles]Those aren't children.
They're little angels.
[All Laughing]
That's sweet.
Well, all right, Mrs. Kwan.I'll be home as soon as I can.
Bye-bye.Bye.
[Things Babbling]
[Sighs]
[Groans, Snores]
[Excited Chortling]
[Cat]All right, soldier.Our bogey is in range.
Commencesearch and destroy.
- What?- Search and rescue.
I meant search and rescue.Come on!
I can't believe I wasn'tinvited to that party.
Hey!You're a lone wolf.
[Whispering]Live alone, die alone.Yeah.
- Can we please get the dog?- [Mocking]Can we please get the dog?
Can we please get the dog?Boo!
[Conrad]Oh, no.! Oh, man.!
Hello, Nevins.Good-bye, Conrad.
Not so tough now,are you?[Barks]
[Sinister Laughing]
[Hooting Laugh]
We're dead.We're never gonna getthat crate shut.
And I'm getting shipped offto Colonel Von Kronk's Schoolfor Wayward Boys!
Why don't wetake my car?You have a car?
Yeah, sure.[CarAlarm Chirps]
[Engine Starts,Tires Screech]
Wow.That is so cool.
That's justthe dust cover.
Here she is, the Super LuxuriousOmnidirectional Whatchamajigger.
Or S.L.O.W. For short.
S.L.O.W.?
Yeah, SLOW.It's better than the last name we had.
Super HydraulicInstantaneous Transporter.
- Oh, you mean...- Ohh! Quick, to the SLOW.[Chortling]
[Grunts]Buckle up, kids.
We're on a mission to get that dog,and we will not restuntil we fiind and destroy it.
Rescue it!Rescue it! Of courseI meant rescue it.
Whatever. Remember, kids,there's nothing faster than SLOW.
That's backwards!It makes no sense.Look at you! Argh!
Okay, here we go.G.P. S... check.
DVD, CD... check.
Someone from Czechoslovakiais a... Czech.[Chortling]
Siren!What are you...What...
Siren?[Screaming]
Let's go!
Whoo-whoa-ho-ho![Hooting]
Hi there!How are you? Yeah![Giggling]
[Engine Backfiiring][Laughing]
[All Yelling]
@ I'm sending Conrad away @
- Oh! Oh!- [Barking]
[Sniffs]Oh![Barks]
I can't believe you whizzedon my taco!
[Barking Continues]
Wait tillJoangets a load of you!
[Laughing][Barking]
- There they are!- [Fish] Red light, red light,red light, red light.!
Red light!
[All Screaming]
- Someone else should drive.- All right. You win.
Concrete,you drive.Are you serious?
I don't know.
A little voice inside of meis saying, "This is a bad idea,"
but I can barely hearthat little voice...
because an even louderlittle voice is screaming,"Let the 12-year-old drive!"
Now, punch it![Imitating Engine]
[Grunts]
This is awesome.!
[Gagging]
- [Retching]- [Groans]
- I want to drive.- I think that's a great idea.
[Chuckling]
Wait!Two people can't driveat the same time.
You're right.We should all drive.[Chortling]
[Tires Screeching][Yelling]
- Cat.! Where are the brakes?- I'll get them.
I think there's something wrongwith your brakes. When's the
last time you had them checked?
[Chortling]Bad brake.!
[Screaming]
One-way street, one-way street,one-way street, one-way street.!
- [Gasping, Screaming]- [Truck Horn Honking]
Hey, Rhode Island license plate.You never see those.
[Horn Honking]
Om. Om.
[Loud Clanging]
Air bag. Standard.
[Panting]
I think... I wet... my jar.
Can we do that again?
[Alarm Chirps][Gasps]
Hey, there he is!
[Conrad] Oh, no.!He's going into Mom's offiice.!
Come on, Cat!
[Whistles]You know, Nevins,
whenJoan fiinds outyou've escaped again,Conrad will be moving out,
and I'll be moving in.
[Conrad] We've gotta getNevins and that lock back.[Sally] What are we gonna do?
Don't worry.I have three plans.
Plan "A": "Mess upa perfectly clean house."
Done that. Plan "B":"Cut your losses and ditch the kids."
- That could work.- What about that one?
Plan "C": "Trick Mom's boyfriendinto handing over dog and lock."
I don't know.I still like Plan "B."
- [Both] Cat!- Okay, okay. Plan "C."
Look at you. Argh!
[Whining]Excuse me, sir.
I'd like you to signmy petition. Yeah.
Get out of my way,you hippie freak.
Are you aware of the senseless,wholesale slaughter...
of the flatulating,acid-spitting Zumzizeroo?
What will it taketo get you out of my face?
Just sign my petition...
with this large, oversized penthat requires two hands.
I see.[Loud Click]
- Will you hold my dog?- Yes!
Okay, I have a problemwith the word "dog."
I don't use the "D" word per se'cause I think it's really, really wrong.
Yeah. But I will happilyhold yourCanine-American.
- I'm more comfortablewith that really, yeah.- [Giggling]
@ How much is that Canine-Americanin the window @
[Both]Cat! Come on!
- [Nevins Barking]- Hey, what the...
[Cat] Go, go, go.!Come back here!I'm on to you kids!
- Nothing to see here.Keep moving! Go!- [Panting]
[Whistle Blows]Come on! Let's go.Ah, get in, get in!
Come on, let's go.Get in! Hi, hi.Get in! Get in!
@¤@¤[Dance]Look out below!
Oh! Sorry. Over there.
[Hooting]Hey! Hey, hey!Hey, hey!
[Feet Screeching]Ohh!
Oh![Laughing]
I got you!
Here he comes![Both]Cat!
[Yelling]
- [Woman Screams]- Where's my hat? Oh! Go! Go, go!
Go! Let's go!My tail, my tail.
Come on, Cat![Grunts]I'm walking here!
[Angry Whimpering][Horn Honking]
Joan. Joan![Whimpering]
- I think we lost him.- Not the pocket. Not the pocket!
- We got the lock back.Now let's get home.- Relax, kid. I'm all over it.
[Wheezing Laugh]Hey.
What's wrong?This.
This is not my hat.I must have picked upthe wrong hat back there.
- So?- So...
without my hat,I'm just your garden-varietysix-foot-tall talking cat.
Joan, yourchildrenare running around townlike complete maniacs.
Yes, they are.With some weird,hairy man in a big hat.
Uh-huh.
You're gonna believe everythingI'm telling you once we get toyour house, okay? Come on.
We're doomed!
We're dead. This is all my fault.I'm such an idiot.
Why do I always have to dothe opposite of what I'm supposed to?
Wait a second.That's it! The opposite!
Hey, Things!Don't help us!
Do not show up and help usget home right now!
- We're goin' on a road trip!- Larry's car?
How'd you get so smart?[Chortling]
[Narrator]So the race was onto get back home fiirst.
[Conrad]Hang on! We gotta beatMom and Quinn home!
[Narrator]But back at their home,things werejust getting worse.
There's Mom and Larry!
Step on it, Joan.Go, go, go, go, go.
Oh, Things, do not do anythingto slow down my mom.
[Things]Slow down Mom.!
[Whooping]
[Chattering]
[Quinn]Look, Joan, they don'tbeat them every day.
[Siren Wailing]Oh, great.
[Siren Continues]
[Clears Throat]I'm sorry, Offiicer.Was I speeding?
Mekka dekka license,appa registration.
Mekka dekka,you're one hot mama.
Hey, that's my car.Joan, we better go right away!
Please let me handle this.
Sorry, I guess I wasin a hurry to get home.
- I'm not gonna let themget away with this!- [Babbling]
[Yelling]
[Siren Wailing]
Meet me at the house!
Not so fast,you little maggots!Ha-ha!
Oh, you are so busted.Now get inside.
You don't want to go in there.It's going to be a total...Aah!
What?Sally, what happened?
What about the motherofall messes?I don't know.
[Sneezes]Why am I sneezing?
That'd be me. Boo!
You're a giant...[Sneezing]
Cat!
[Screaming]
Judas Priest!
Ooh.Mama mia.
What happenedto our house?
It's the motherof all messes.Yup!
Pure, unadulterated funwithout any good sense or judgment.
See, Corn Dog,this is why I warned you...
not to open the crate.
- [Birds Honking]- Although, on the plus side,
I think people will betalking about tonight's partyfor the rest of their lives.
- [Nevins Whines]- [Groans]
- We gotta shut the crate! Come on!- Okay.
[Cat Chuckling]
Let's take the front hall carpet.[Chortling]
- This can't be the front hall.- This is what happens when youmix yourworld and my world.
Oh, and when you eatbad shellfiish.
Let's go! Oh, yeah!
Cat, how do wefiind the crate?Beats me.
This hat is worthless,and it makes me look fat.
- Where's Mrs. Kwan?- Oh-ho-ho!
Here she comes,right on schedule.
- Oh, yeah!- We're going to ride Mrs. Kwan?
Sure.! It's the only wayto the crate. Hop on.!
Oh, this is gonna be good!
Please keep your hands and feetin the Kwan at all times!
Enjoy the ride![Chortling]
Ladies and gentlemen,the dining room. Ohh.![Laughing]
[Sally]This is the dining room?[Clock Cuckooing]
Hey, look.Chandelier!
[Chuckling]
[Conrad]Is that the bathroom?
You might want tohold it for a while.
Something like thatreally burns my...
[All]Aaah!
This is amazing!It's like a rideat an amusement park!
You mean, like at...Universal Studios.
[Laughing]Cha-ching.
Whoa!
[All Screaming]
- [Cat] Whoa!- [Grumbling]
Please exit the Kwan to your left.Have a nice day!
This is ridiculous.I have to get home.
[Grunting]Police brutality!Illegal choke hold!
Where are we?The living room,I think.
Ah, man!My eyes are closed.
If there's no line, could wego back and do that again?There's the crate!
Oh![Chortling]
If we shut the crate,the house will go back to normal.
You have the lock?
Got it!Come on! Let's go!
Sally![Both Grunting]
- Come on!- It won't shut!
Sally! Everythingis disappearing up there!
- Help!- Sally!
- Oh! Oh!- Sal... Aaah!
- Help me, Conrad!- Sally!
Help me!I can't hold on!
Hang on!Help me, Conrad!
Help.!Sally, I can't reachthe lock!
- No!- I can't save youunless you let go!
Okay.
[Screaming]Help me!
- [Lock] Yes!- [Screaming]
[Crashing, Groaning][Birds Chirping]
[Yelling]
[Gurgling]Ugh!
I did it!I did it!
I did it.! I did it.!I did it.!
[Laughing]I did it! I did it!
Okay, "we" did it.
I don't thinkwe did anything.
The place is still a wreck.You said if we shut the crate,everything would be okay!
But it's not.It's a complete disaster!
Well, what are yougonna do?
Tennis, anyone?
[Metal Popping]
[Balls Rolling][Sniffiing]
Ooh![Purring]
Love that new ball smell.Yeah.
- Hey, your hat... it's magic again?- Oops.
Well, now that the cat's out of the bag,to use an archaicand cruel-sounding metaphor,
why don't you serve fiirst?
You had your real hatthis whole time?
Uh-yup.I planned the whole day.[Wheezing Laugh]
- What do you mean,you planned the whole day? All of it?- Uh-yup.
- The house getting trashed?- Uh-yup.
- Quinn taking Nevins?- Uh-yup.
- Cutting off your tail?- Uh-nope. No.
You even knewI'd open the crate?
Why do you think I made it my one rule?I knew you couldn't resist.
Now, who's up for a gameof Canadian doubles?
[Loud Crashing]
Cat, you said nothing badwould happen.
Cat, you need to get out.
I don't know that game.It's not a game.
None of this is a game!
- But I thought you twowanted to have fun today.- Look around, Cat.
You were right.It's fun to have fun,but you have to know how.
You don't knowwhen enough is enough.Now, go!
Suzy.
Cromwell.
Please.
[Both]Out!
Out!
[Sparking]
Good riddance!
Now, this may not be the timefor"I told you so," but...
Like I said,not the time.
I'll get the mopand bucket.
Conrad, you might wantto get out ofhere until Momhas a chance to calm down.
No. This was my fault.I'll take the blame.
Look, Mom will be home any second.Why don't you go upstairs?
I'm not going upstairs.I'm staying with you.
Really? Why?Two reasons.
One, the stairs are destroyed.
Two, this is just as muchmy fault as yours.
We should share the blame.
Thanks, Sally.
By the way,
you're a pretty good brother.
Glad you think that.Maybe we can room togetherat military school.
Well, here goes.
[Chortling]
@ Bet you thought I'd goneBet you felt a sting @
@¤Bet you neverthoughtI'd have anothersong to sing @¤
@ But now that you've learned your lessonAllow me to blow your mind @
@ By reading to you the small printof the contract that you signed @@
Okay, section eight,article 93, subparagraph 834.
Right by the chili stain.[Chuckles]
It reads, "If Conrad, a.k.a. Concrete,should open the crate...
"and we know he will...the contract shall be null and void.
"However,
if Sally and Conradshould learn from their mistakes,the contract shall be reinstated."
I think you two have satisfiiedthe legal burden oflearning.
[Both]Yeah!
So there's just one last game to play.It's called "Clean Up The House."
Kids, meet the Dynamic IndustrialRenovating Tractormajigger.
[Both]D-l-R-T?
That's right!
[Chortling]@¤It's getting betterall the time @¤
@¤I used to get madat my school @¤Ta-da!
@¤ The teachers who taught meweren't cool @¤
@¤ You're holding me down @¤
@¤ Turning me 'round @¤
@¤Filling me upwith your rules @¤@¤Ooh-ooh @¤
@¤I've got to admitit's getting better@¤@¤Better@¤
@¤A little betterall the time @¤
@¤It can't get no worse @¤
@¤I have to admitit's getting better@¤@¤Better@¤
@¤A little bettersince you've been mine @¤
- [Cat Chortling]- Hee-hee![Babbling]
@¤Me used to bean angry young man @¤
@¤Me hiding my headin the sand @¤
[Horn Honks]@¤ You gave me the wordI fiinally heard @¤
@¤I'm doing the bestthat I can,yeah @¤
@¤I've got to admitit's getting better@¤
@¤Better@¤@¤A little betterall the time @¤
@¤Can't get no worse @¤
@¤I have to admitit's getting better@¤
@¤Better@¤@¤It's getting better@¤
@¤Since you've been mine @¤Oh, yeah!
@¤Getting so much better@¤These drapes are so out,
@¤All the time @¤they're in!
@¤It's getting betterall the time @¤[Chortling] Yeah!
- @¤Better, better, better@¤- Spin! Spin!
@¤It's getting betterall the time @¤
@¤Better, better, better@¤
[Blubbering]
[Chortling]Ooh! Ooh!
@¤I have to admitit's getting better@¤
@¤A little betterall the time @¤[Barking]
@¤It can't get no worse @¤@¤ Yes, I admitit's getting better@¤
- @¤It's getting better@¤- Bye!
@¤Since you've been mine @¤
@¤Getting so much betterall the time @¤@¤
Okay, we had some good times.
We cleaned up the house.
We even managed to work inan up-tempo pop tune for the sound track.
That's important.
I guess there's just onelast thing to check.
[Gurgling]Huh?
[Dings]
[Dings]
Looks like everything'sin balance,
but you're still smokingway too many cigars.
- And you... lay offthe sauce.!- [Chuckles]
Cat,
this day has been...amazing.
Thank you, Cat.
For everything.
Conrad?
Sally?
Adieu.
- [Sally]Cat.!- Cat!
- Huh?- Wait, Cat.- Don't go!
[Chuckles]
Uh-oh!
[Chortling]
All right, kids.This place better not be a mess.
I'm... home?
Hi, Mom.Hi, Mom.
Miss Walden, home so soon?The children were angels.
- Thanks, Mrs. Kwan.- Hello, Joan.
[Gasps]Lawrence, what happened to you?
They... happened to me.
Your demonic children.
[Panting]They destroyed your house.!
Uh...
[Quinn]The house was alive.The wall was made ofpaper.
I fell off the cliff.And the giant cat...
The giant cat!
[Whispers]Tell her.
Larry, Larry.
You look terrible,
and my momthinks you're insane.
This is what we in salescall "a win-win scenario."
Joan, you are passing upthe opportunity of a lifetime.
You know what kind ofkidyour boy is.
I mean, who are yougoing to believe?
You're right. I do knowwhat kind ofkid Conrad is.
He can be irresponsible.
Yes!He makes bad choices.
Sometimes he makes mewant to tear my hair out.Yes! Yes! Yes!
But he's a good kid,and I believe in him.
Now, I'd like youto leave.
Wha... Joan. Joan.
Joan. Joan.
Oh, Joan, Joan, Joan![Crying]
[Sneezes]
[Groaning]
- Will you marry me, Joan?- [Groans]
Oh, Joan, Joan,Joan, Joan.
[Sobbing]
[Squeals]Yes!Yeah!
[Both Laughing][Conrad]Yeah.!
Oh, that's nice.[Snoring]
[People Chattering]
Mr. Humberfloob?Whoa-ho-ho!
Almost got me again.Enjoy the party.
Mr. Humberfloob.Joan, the party's a hitand the house is immaculate.
Congratulations.
[Woman]Miss Walden. Uh, Miss Walden.
Chicka-ow, chicka-ow,chica-yee-haw!Hi, Mom!
Honey, yourcupcakesare a huge hit.What did you put in them?
Mom, you can make cupcakesout of anything.
Are you telling meyou can make cupcakesout ofanything?
- Anything.- Anything?
So what did you kidsdo today, huh?
[Narrator]Well, what would you doifyour motherasked you?
The family was whole,all thanks to the Cat,
who was dashing and charming,no doubt about that.
He was witty and cultured...
and, well, very endearing...
and tremendously attractive,
but in a sort of real way.
You know, kind ofan approachable way that I thinkyou don't see these days...
[Normal Voice]Oh! Hello! I was just, uh...
I really should be going.[Chuckles]
How'd they get so smart?
[Whooping][Chortling]
[All Laughing]Oh, yeah!
Whoo!
[Chortling]
Come on, Things!Let's go!
What's on my schedulefor tomorrow?
What do you saywe go on vacation?[Chortling]
How 'bout Hawaii?I like Hawaii.
I should warn you,there are certain places thatdon't allow certain Things.
[Chuckling]Oh, Things are complicated.
Subrip By PrimeEvilFixed By Pacman
@¤ Things are getting weirdThings are getting tough @¤
@¤Nothing's making sensebut you keep on looking up @¤
@¤ They tell you to be trueYou're trying every day @¤
@¤ To keep it on the realStill you gotta fiind a way @¤
@¤ To make your mama happyTo make your papa proud @¤
@¤ You wanna turn it upbut all you hear is "tone it down"@¤
@¤So gather'roundI'm here to say @¤
@¤ You'll never make everybody's day @¤
@¤But while you're aroundyou might as well @¤
@¤Catch the tiger by its tail @¤
@¤And hang onhang on, hang on @¤
@¤Everybodyjust get onget on, get on @¤
@¤Get startedand go on, go on, go on @¤
@¤Everybodyjust hold on @¤
@¤Sometimes I wanna cryorthrow the towel in @¤
@¤ You try to bring me downbut I'll take it on the chin @¤
@¤And everywhere I gothe people are the same @¤
@¤ Theyjust want to knowthat everything will be okay @¤
@¤ When things are getting roughthey turn it back around @¤
@¤ You gotta turn it upwhen they tell you "tone it down"@¤
@¤So gather'roundI'm here to say @¤
@¤ You'll never make everybody's day @¤
@¤But while you're aroundyou might as well @¤
@¤Catch the tiger by its tail @¤
@¤And hang onhang on, hang on @¤
@¤Everybodyjustget on, get on, get on @¤
@¤Get startedand go on, go on, go on @¤
@¤Everybodyjust hold on @¤
@¤Just hang on @¤
@¤So gather'roundI'm here to say @¤
@¤ You'll never make everybody's day @¤
@¤But while you're aroundyou might as well @¤
@¤Catch a tiger by its tail @¤
@¤And hang onhang on, hang on @¤
@¤Everybodyjustget on, get on, get on @¤
@¤Get startedand go on, go on, go on @¤
@¤Everybodyjust hold on @¤
@¤Hang on, hang on, hang on @¤
@¤Everybodyjustget on, get on, get on @¤
@¤Get startedand go on, go on, go on @¤
@¤Everybodyjust hold on @¤
@¤Just hang on @¤@¤